| (no subject) |
[Nov. 5th, 2006|12:43 pm] |
3/4 croissant
1 pc tombstone pizza |
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|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 1st, 2006|10:08 am] |
1 reeses cup (88 calories)
1/2 can Healthy Choice chicken noodle (100 calories)
1 cup 1% milk - (110 calories) -298 |
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|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 28th, 2006|06:21 pm] |
2 chocolate chip cookies-120
lowfat soup (1/2?)-120
grilled chicken caesar salad -220 with vinaigerette -40
small fries -250 cals
total:
750 |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 26th, 2006|10:13 pm] |
1/2 turkey sub - 220
lowfat clam chowder -234
brownies 300
754 |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 22nd, 2006|09:19 pm] |
2x turkey salad sandwich (small, pair)
slice of keylime pie
1/2 can minestrone |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 21st, 2006|09:14 pm] |
bowl of cereal
grilled chicken mcd salad
chocolate chip smoothie
1/2 turkey sub |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 19th, 2006|03:52 pm] |
popcorn (1/2)
chicken soup (3/4, about 6g fat)
walk 1 mi
goal:
more water,
less gatorade
less milk (1 cup a day with geodon if neccessary) |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 18th, 2006|04:45 pm] |
banana bread w/ butter
twix
split pea w/ ham (3/4 can)
Walk 2 mi |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 17th, 2006|06:07 pm] |
turkey sub
canned soup (3/4 can)
tortilla chips (handful)
Lately I will intentionally not finish a product i.e. canned soup in order to conquer the impulse of eating until finished |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 16th, 2006|10:05 pm] |
canned soup,
cheddar & broccoli soup
toasted bread |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 6th, 2006|06:24 pm] |
1 bowl cereal
boiled peanuts
chinese food (1 eggroll, 1/2 pork fried rice, 1/3 honey chicken) |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 4th, 2006|04:19 pm] |
WHAT I ATE
Clam Chowder (2g fat?)
"Smart N Healthy" popcorn (6g fat) |
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| 3 fears |
[Aug. 17th, 2006|02:23 pm] |
There are three main fears that are infiltrating my life and preventing me from functioning in a conventional manner.
They are, listed from most frequently thought about to least:
1. My brain, and damage thereof which has been overlooked or forgotten about (i.e. electrocution, stroke)
2. Death (including the fear that I am, in fact, dead)
3. Parisitic infestation (predominately boils down to #1)
Worrying about them makes nothing enjoyable, every venture outside my house is not too rewarding.
I feel strange all the time. I can't explain HOW it is strange, since it is not the explanation of it that makes it strange, it's the feeling its' self. It's not different, or "weird" really... just strange. The feeling its' self is one of unfamiliarity and peculiarity. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 3rd, 2006|01:39 am] |
I almost always feel like I am brain-damaged.
I sometimes wonder how I got this way, since I don't remember getting any head trauma... but if I had, would I remember it? What if nobody knew, and I don't remember?
I am slow, I am in a fog, and I feel dead.
Sometimes I get this sudden swelling feeling in my head and I feel like my brain is imploding and that I will be dead or in a coma in a matter of seconds, for sure.
Sometimes there are zombies outside my window murmuring to eachother, or to me? So I turn on the hallway light which seeps through the crack at my door, and in the corner of my eye I see shadows they cast as they watch me.
I know they're not real but they don't go away.
I'm scared a lot.
I know for certain that I can't function properly, my mental capacity is skewed... and I have no role in society.
And I have yet to find out whether there is an actual sound that I attribute to the groaning of zombies, or if that is just imagined, also. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 16th, 2006|12:23 pm] |
I'm scared all the time. I'm scared about my memory, about my brain. I feel like I am in a daze all the time, every little thing is so difficult to do. I'm tired a lot.
I'm trying to go back on zoloft but it makes me feel like shit. Example: I took it at 4 pm yesterday. I am still nauseous (sp?).
I feel like shit.
I'm going to a neurologist on Thursday, but my mom is trying to bump it up sooner. |
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|
| Lasers. |
[Mar. 3rd, 2006|08:28 pm] |
It rubs the lotion in its skin or else it gets the hose again!
Well, she rubbed it in, not me. And she didn't really RUB it in. And it was more like gel.
What it did was soak into my sebaceous glands so they could be fried with the laser. The gel stung and itched, especially in the corner of my left nostril, which has been sore lately.
After waiting 30 minutes in a nice little room that seemed to be a Staff lounge, she had me rinse the gel off. After that, I sat down in what reminds me of a dentist's chair. She handed me some little blue (or were they green?) goggles, which I put on. She then proceeded to stuff them with cottonballs, I don't know why. Ultrasound gel was smeared on my face, and next thing I know a cold, smooth surface was pressed against my face. A beep, then a brilliant and shocking flash of light and a blast of burning heat. No matter how tightly I closed my eyes, the light got me. I flinched with every pulse, but I think it was more out of surprise from the light than the pain of the laser. After the pulse, the surface was pulled away from my face and reapplied right next to the previous spot. I could feel the gel sticking to glass.
After the left side of my face was done, it was handed over to the actual nurse practitioner, who seemed to have more experience in the matter. It became much more pleasant, since she had the technique down better then woman A, and the pulse came right as she was pulling the surface away.
Avoid the sun; you might get some redness. No downtime! My ass. No redness for several hours, but my face felt tight. I had on some SPF15 sunscreen, and I decided to go check the mail at 2 pm. I'm not shitting you: 2 steps outside and my face started stinging and burning. I didn't let it phase me too much, I checked the mail but by the time I got to the mailbox my pace had quickened considerably and I couldn't pay much attention to what was in the mailbox. I looked at a letter or two, but couldn't take the stinging anymore so I retreated back inside. Now, hours later, with some Advil, my face is extremely red, and still feeling tight and uncomfortable. I'm praying to God I didn't fuck up my results.
I had to skip out on work, since I didn't like the idea of getting out of the car and walking 8 steps in the sun to the door of the shop. I'll probably skip out tommorow, too. Hopefully I can get my dad to stop by Abrams Dermatology and pick up some better sunscreen. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 22nd, 2006|09:01 pm] |
I withdrew from school today.
I'm really anxious. Being around at home all day with my mom makes me anxious. Even though I instigate her, so it's my fault.
I'm really weirded out though. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself now. I want more hours and maybe an additional job but I can't drive so I will have to rely on my family for transportation and that makes me very tense.
I don't have a life
i'm kind of scared to not have school, since I feel like I've been stuck for over a year now, and things just buildup and when I hit play I'm really lost, but the longer I stay on pause the further along the movie goes. |
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postfetalphase's journal